Never Split the Difference
by Chris Voss
Overview
Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss, a former FBI top hostage negotiator, offers a unique perspective on negotiation. Drawing from his experience in high-stakes negotiations with kidnappers, terrorists, and criminals, Voss shares field-tested tools and techniques that can be applied to everyday negotiations in business and personal life. This book merges practical advice with real-world examples, providing readers with the tools to become effective negotiators by leveraging emotional intelligence and strategic thinking.
The New Rules of Negotiation
Debunking the Myth of the "Tough Guy" Negotiator
"Negotiation is not about being a tough guy or being aggressive. It's about being smart, it's about being strategic, and it's about being empathetic."
The Power of Calibrated Questions
Voss emphasizes the importance of asking open-ended questions that give the other party the illusion of control. This tactic buys time and gives the negotiator an upper hand in the conversation.
The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Negotiation
Emotional intelligence is crucial in negotiation. Voss uses the example of how he remained calm and composed when faced with a hostage situation, even when his own son was involved.
The FBI's Approach to Negotiation
The FBI's techniques are based on experiential learning, developed and refined through real-life crises. Key principles include:
Calibrated Questions: Asking open-ended questions that give the other party the illusion of control.
Emotional Intelligence: Understanding and managing one's own emotions and those of the other party.
Strategic Thinking: Anticipating the other party's moves and thinking several steps ahead.
Combining FBI Techniques with Harvard Negotiation Theory
Voss combines the FBI's practical techniques with Harvard's negotiation theory, which focuses on finding mutually beneficial solutions, active listening, and creativity in problem-solving.
Key Takeaways from Negotiation Theory
Negotiation is not about winning or losing: it's about finding a mutually beneficial solution.
The power of active listening: listening attentively to the other party and responding thoughtfully.
The importance of creativity: thinking outside the box and finding innovative solutions.
Tactical Empathy
Listening as a Strategic Tool
"Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing."
Effective Listening in Negotiation
Active Listening
Active listening helps understand the needs and wants of the other party, essential for a successful negotiation. It involves silencing the internal voice and focusing entirely on what the other person is saying.
Voice Tones in Negotiation
Voss describes three main voice tones that can influence the emotional state of the counterpart:
Late-night FM DJ voice: A calm, soothing tone that eases tensions.
Positive/playful voice: A light and encouraging tone that creates friendliness and approachability.
Direct/assertive voice: A firm tone used sparingly as it can lead to pushback.
Mirroring
Mirroring, or isopraxism, involves imitating the speech patterns, body language, and tone of the other party to establish rapport and trust. This simple yet powerful technique encourages the counterpart to elaborate and provide more information.
Definition
"Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity. Trust me, a mirror signals to another's unconscious, 'You and I were alike.'"
Negotiation One Sheet
This sheet is a concise primer of nearly all of Voss's tactics and strategies, designed to help you prepare and customize your negotiation approach.
Preparation
Identify your goals and define your negotiation space.
Understand the counterpart's needs and constraints.
Establish your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA).
Tactics
Use calibrated questions to gather information and guide the conversation.
Employ tactical empathy to build rapport and trust.
Apply active listening techniques to fully understand the counterpart's perspective.
Execution
Control the pace of the negotiation to keep the counterpart engaged.
Use strategic pauses and silences to create a sense of urgency.
Be prepared to adapt and respond to new information dynamically.
Reflection and Improvement
After each negotiation, reflect on what worked and what didn't.
Continuously improve your techniques and strategies based on real-world experiences.
Reflections on Listening and Understanding
Improving listening skills involves being the last to speak and prioritizing the other party's perspective. Effective negotiation starts with understanding before seeking to be understood. This approach not only builds trust but also creates a foundation for more meaningful and productive negotiations.
By integrating these insights and techniques, you can enhance your negotiation skills and apply them to various aspects of your life, from business deals to personal interactions. This book is a treasure trove of practical advice, and my notes aim to distill its essence into actionable insights you can use right away.
Negotiation One Sheet
PREPARE A NEGOTIATION ONE SHEET
Negotiation is a psychological investigation. You can gain confidence going into such an investigation with a simple preparatory exercise: the negotiation one sheet. This tool summarizes the primary tactics you anticipate using, such as labels and calibrated questions, customized to the specific negotiation.
SECTION I: THE GOAL
Think through best/worst-case scenarios but write down a specific goal that represents the best case. Avoid fixating on BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement), which can limit your aspirations. Instead, set an optimistic but reasonable goal, define it clearly, write it down, discuss it with a colleague, and carry it into the negotiation.
Example: If you're selling old speakers, know they sell for $140 in used stores. Set a high-end goal of $150, while remaining open to better offers.
SECTION II: SUMMARY
Summarize the known facts leading up to the negotiation. Clearly describe the situation to get on the same page with your counterpart. This summary should elicit a "That's right" response, indicating alignment on the situation's basics.
SECTION III: LABELS/ACCUSATION AUDIT
Prepare three to five labels to perform an accusation audit. Anticipate how your counterpart feels about the summarized facts. Create a concise list of potential accusations and turn each into labels.
Example Labels:
"It seems like you're not a fan of subletters."
"It seems like you want stability with your tenants."
SECTION IV: CALIBRATED QUESTIONS
Prepare three to five calibrated questions to reveal value and identify potential deal killers. Focus on motivations and underlying concerns, not just stated positions. Use "What" and "How" questions to uncover deeper insights.
Example Questions:
"What are we trying to accomplish?"
"How does this affect things?"
"What’s the biggest challenge you face?"
SECTION V: NONCASH OFFERS
Prepare a list of noncash items possessed by your counterpart that would be valuable. Think creatively about what they could offer that advances your interests with minimal cost to them.
Example: Instead of lowering your price, offer to help impress your counterpart’s boss by guaranteeing a quick and efficient project completion.
